Bear: “I cannot go with you [tonight].”
“Where?”
Wolf: [wordless] “Inside”
“…I'm gonna need to refill my water first, aren’t I.”
Regrouped.
“What do you want me to know?”
Remembering the week. Moments where I trusted myself and my instincts, opportunities for connection, healing, creating. Unlearning and learning.
A snippet from a lecture:
“What I realized was what they’re worried about was a popular uproar against them. They’re worried that something like Occupy Wall Street is going to happen, because this happened before Occupy Wall Street. They’re worried that a bunch of people are going to go to the streets and demand their heads on a platter. And that could really change things. They're more worried about change than we are about making it. They're afraid they can do more than we think we can do. So, it makes me think that they're vulnerable."
Alchemist: “If they're still alive, they need to know what is happening.”
Ram is giddy with excitement. They love creating. Their vibe has changed since we first met. They are brighter and deeper, even fiercer, and while they feel less reckless, they also seem even more likely to just go do things on their own (well, sorta – I think I’d be along for the ride).
Suddenly, I'm looking out over the three planets [rocks?] again – earth, the deep green, the blue-black. Why the planets? stones? brain scans? brains?
Alchemist: “Welcome home.”
I am reminded of the Archimedes quote about moving the world, if only he has a long enough lever and a fulcrum upon which to place it. It feels as if the Alchemist is laughing
Sickeningly fast, I'm back to the ground, in a city surrounded by humans. It is dirty – overpasses with weeds and graffiti, tall buildings, metal guardrails. Humans are dirty, filthy, used to scarcity yet know that something is wrong. They live too close together, move awkwardly, and scramble, clawing, for comfort, for a chance to survive, and connection.
“What are you afraid of?” It feels like Wolf.
The universe is within each body, within their scared and hungry eyes, within mine. Each felt whole when I did, and we were – are – both terrified. Stories are tangled, even though we are separate. Human.
I walked until the concrete faded and I was in the cave beneath the tree, I walked until I was standing in the waterfall, letting the silver-blue water-not-water wash over scrapes and bruises I hadn’t noticed. Soaking in the silver-blue water-not-water, I think about the kind of person I used to be and want to become. About femininity / masculinity, physical appearance, creativity, emotional intelligence, dreams, confidence, ways of being – about being more whole – until I physically start to fall asleep.