Bear and I are walking.
Bear: “Don’t be impatient.”
We are in the cave. I can’t forget Mackenzie saying she “knows,” her face twisted, shouting because I'm quiet and distant – I was thinking about something interesting. I find myself on my knees in the cave, then standing and playing with earth, with the silver starlight water-that-is-not-water waterfall. Everything is disjointed. I catch glimpses of possible futures:
jobs, community, safety, fuck-you money, prosperity, connecting, creating, dogs.
peace, power in self, confidence.
Remember the interview:
“that’s not reporting, that’s building infrastructure so you can report.”
Remember Amanda:
“I'm glad to hear you’re proud of yourself. This is a huge accomplishment. Not just because you learned something new. Last time we did this it took two people three days. You did it in five hours while learning something new.”
I took the silver starlight water-that-is-not-water and shaped a thread, a hose, a vine. I plugged it into/through the wall. Despite us being underground, the starlight spread across the night sky like spiderwebs. Turning to look at Bear, I shrugged. I didn’t have words for what I had done, but knew it was right.
“What about the other elements? The earth, and growing things, perhaps?
Bear: “you need to learn them, to remember and build the tools.”
“Where is the Alchemist?”
Bear: “Waiting for you to build your tools. Pour some whiskey tonight and ask.”
“Can I have some? What if I have more water than whiskey?”
We debate this for a bit. I need to drink more water than whiskey.
It’s time to go, but I don’t have to leave.
What does it mean, what does it look like, to step into my power?
This is not a new learning, for me, but rather, a remembering. How do I remember my tools?
Bear: “Ask the Alchemist.”
I learn:
Stag is watching over Other People.
I have many lessons to learn. We all do.
Remember:
I build. I connect. I see things that don’t make sense. I see need and excess, capacity and lack.
Stag needs me to trust myself.
Stag needs me to trust myself.