holding a handful of sand, and each piece was a memory of a person, a relationship, a moment – all important and precious things. Meanwhile, the Alchemist and the Ram were still focused on the light in the tree roots. Letting the sand slip between my fingers and back onto the beach, I walked towards the light under the tree, and past the quietly dancing campfire. As I did, gold light, like the gold light still beneath my skin, slowly dripped down the bones and lit them from inside. Passing the Ram and the Alchemist, I walked through a tangled arch of roots larger than I could wrap my arms around until I reached the red-orange light. I don’t know if I touched the light. I think I did. 

When the light disappeared, it revealed nothingness and what looked like an empty cave. I had expected there to be something behind the light. Perhaps a fragment of my truth or missing pieces. Disappointed, I turned and walked back to the water. With all this glowing still inside me, I thought it made sense to try and clean the river. How, I had no idea. But I tried. Kneeling, I focused on where the golden light illuminated the sludge, watching how the light appeared to make the sludge curl back a tiny bit. But I couldn’t clean a patch. I crouched, my right hand in the water and my left hand around my knees, facing where Bear, Ram, Stag, and the Alchemist stood. 

Stag approached head-on and paused a few step before me to bend, touching their antlers to the river to clean a section of it. I thanked him for cleaning a section of the river and he said it wasn’t for me. It was for them.

Our session ended with a protection reminder. Bear said, roughly, "good, you need it."

[Rebecca thinks] the clean spot is a portal so I can get more guardians and responsible adults hanging out in the spiritual plane on my behalf to help me find myself again. 

After, I was reflecting on the clean spot and letting myself sit on the weird sand made of memories and running my hand in the water. Got a very clear disapproving sense that is best translated as "dumbass" from... Someone. Not Ram. Ram seemed amused as all hell and thinks that seems like great fun, I should do things that seem interesting or bring me joy. Alchemist seemed to think that of course one would investigate a strange clear spot. Bear was staying out of this. Which left Stag.